So…I’m having another baby in three months and I’m scared shitless.
(All photos by Bumblebee Boots Photography)
There, I said it. Let’s talk it out.
Caroline is our world. She gets all of our love, all of our attention, all of our money. We’ve been smitten with her since day one, which has worked out really well to her advantage. But now that we’re adding another member to our family, I have no idea what this will feel like. Even though I know I’ll love Baby #2 just as much, right now, I can’t imagine sharing my heart beyond Caroline. She has it all. I’ve spent more time worrying about how this baby will make her feel, instead of worrying about whether or not I remember how to swaddle (I don’t) or what the baby will sleep in when he/she arrives ($200 for a bassinet that lasts us three months?). I spent days dreading the idea of being at home with both kids on maternity leave…and then weeks feeling guilty when we finally decided to keep Caroline in school so that I can have some time alone with the baby. Between work and an upcoming move, I have #momfail written all over me.
Am I already a terrible mom of two? These are the things that keep me up at night.
A good friend told me that when her second child was born, her heart doubled in size. It was so instant, so intense, so complete – there was never any question as to how she would love two at once. It was immediate and forever. I trust in that. And I hope that despite being scattered and nervous and exhausted, I’ll rally for Baby #2 and he/she will never feel any less loved or cared for than Big Sister Caroline. And Caroline will feel happy and secure next to her sibling. And Mac will still feel like my husband and not some roommate that also doubles as a babysitter. We got this, right? (Insert positive reinforcement from your end here.)
For those of you who have more than one kid, I’d love to hear how you navigated the first few months! Tips and tricks and Miller Lites (post-delivery) will be greatly appreciated.